Archive for June, 2010
In my post last week called a loving and loved life I spoke about the two emotionally crucial feelings that kept me happy, pretty much unconditionally: doing what I love as often as possible, and being aware of the love my husband has for me. These are the things that keep me feeling, emotionally, healthy.
I realized today that at the next level, the intellectual level, there are other things which keep me thinking healthfully. The three most crucial thoughts that come to mind are (which you’ve probably heard many times before):
1. Humans have certain generally shared needs, for them to be healthy on all levels. (And, yes, those needs can be described in a very general way as whole food, clean water, fresh air, warmth, light, and the freedom to express themselves in some effective way, and to be in an environment where others are also getting their needs sufficiently met.) Before I started specifically researching human needs, I was very confused, and thought that our needs were too complex and individual to ever really understand, and I ended up reading and watching and listening hundreds if not thousands of all manner of experts and regular folks in my quest for someone somewhere to tell me what we’re “supposed to” be doing in life so that we can end up with that ever coveted good life. And now that I’ve found myself being the one to tell me this new, more practical, thought that the needs can be simplified rather nicely using just the input and output of solids, liquids, gases, and energy, most of my other thoughts are so much more enjoyable!
2. All living things always have the inborn motivation to do things that increase the health of themselves and anyone they feel a connection to (connections are formed when individuals share something, materially, emotionally, or ideologically). Often, though, getting one need fulfilled seems to conflict with the fulfillment of another need, and that is where “conflict” arises and makes it look like someone’s motives are not purely healthy, but when I give myself enough time to look at things at a deep enough level, I can always find the positive, healing motive in everything you do. And being able to analyze people’s actions this way, now, makes me really, really love my thoughts!
3. Finally, the last thought, which logically follows from the first two, is that the best solution to any personal or social problem (conflict) is to increase the ability of all involved to get more of what they need to be healthy, so that there is less conflict in them, and so that they can be the best, most whole, person they possibly can be, and be connected to (and thus be motivated to take care of) the widest possible diversity of life. I may not always think of this universal solution right away, but when I do, my thoughts are exceptionally wonderful and fulfilling.
I’ve regularly mentioned the practical fact that when you want something to change, it’s nearly always easier to change yourself than to change others. Demanding other people do things is not only exhausting, but it also rarely works, at least not for very long. People are the way they are because that’s the way the universe made them – through nature and nurture. And fighting against nature and nurture is, as you can imagine, a guaranteed losing battle, unless you happen to be some kind of supernatural force (which I won’t entirely rule out, just to be on the safe side here. :-)
So, instead, when you want change, you might want to try changing your own beliefs about things. Strategies such as Buddhism and Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT) use this strategy. I use it a whole lot as well. I look for underlying roots to people’s behaviors. I twist words around to see if there is another possible understanding of what people say. And I test out reflections of ideas to see if their opposite is also true or truer.
But even easier than all those approaches, even easier than flipping ideas around to test out all the permutations of a theory, and way easier than fighting against nature and nurture, is simply allowing my body to move in whatever way it wants – working directly with my own nature and nurture.
The physical self is governed by the most ancient area of the brain, sometimes called the lizard brain, and thus it’s design has many millions of years of experience making change happen. The prefrontal cortex, on the other hand, is just a tiny baby in the grand history of “doing stuff”, and it’s still quite wobbly when it comes to doing things without falling over a hell of a lot.
Next time you are frustrated with the world, and find yourself inclined to demand that someone else “do something!” because you don’t like the status quo, consider letting the power of just moving your body, and letting your instincts take over (as long as you are in a reasonably safe environment where you’re not going to do much damage to anyone, unless, of course, they are looking to get some aggression out as well and volunteer to play with you!). And you can trust your body to do what it needs to do, because your body was born knowing how to problem solve and heal.
(Now, moving your body only works well to make positive change when you have an abundance of energy, not when you are deficient. In the case of being deficient, just lay low for a while and maybe let people know what you need, so that they can have a chance to get it for you, if they are able to. To know which situation you’re in, listen closely to your body’s messages.)
So yeah, if you really want change, right now, try it the easy way, allow yourself to move forward, backward, or spin around, and see what changes.
The difference between an obstacle and everything else…
Once you are looking at an obstacle from the other side, it becomes simply another interesting or uninteresting part of the universe.